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181 white street : 8x10 beeswax collage on canvas

this might be one of the last whitish, over-balanced, waxed things i make for a while. of course never say never. i like it, but it seems so uptight. i am sending it to the WhiteOnWhite collective anyway, assuming i will find a large safe padded envy pretty damn soon. i like it but it feels so rigid. i am trying so hard to move away from that ... structure. oh it is hard.

it is a good weekend and i am so happy that i still have tomorrow. all chores were done yesterday, so today and tomorrow are only about long walks, cooking and the artTable. and of course more reading. last night i stayed up until past 1am finishing a wonderful tale (Drop City). and some movies i found at traci's when i was feeding the kitties and looking for shelby. this morning we took a long long walk in north lawrence. sure i had my camera. but i was not really inspired and the images tell. i realize i am no longer enchanted here, even with the almost-change of seasons. it is very sad. i try, but it feels so forced. i know my time here is done. my girls are gone. why am i still here? yesterday in the Merc, the little checker looked at my $$card and said "are you margaret's mom?" and i felt so validated. i am their mom! i still am! today i made green chile stew, which was really more like soup, but good anyway, with bolillo and butter. of course we had no *real* bolillo, but i made do with a leftover baguette from the Merc. it is the time of year that you can smell chiles roasting in new mexico and i wanted to smell them in my house. i love roasting and skinning the chiles. and i have worked on a new book that i am excited about, but terrified i will ruin before i finish it. erf. but man i really like it...

i miss everybody.

Comments

[ginny Smallenburg]

I like it...a lot. I want to feel the textures and bumps. I hope you do more like this.

[bobbi]

hi ginny, i hope you will see this response! thank you for visiting and commenting. i also love the beeswax pieces ... SO MUCH. i don't think i will stop making them, and i don't think i will stop loving to work pale. but i would *really* like to loosen up and be able to work in a more abstract way. it is difficult for a libra, though, always thinking of balance & symmetry. and i love altarish things, too.